idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the liver wants what the liver wants
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
