I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
