You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
