Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
