I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
