Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
