that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How does one acquire holy water?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
