I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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