It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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