Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize