I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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