then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize