Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
