So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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