Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
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