operation have a gay friend backfired
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
