I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
