dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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