Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
