like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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