you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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