and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I would fuck him just for his dog
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize