I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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