I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
