i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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