that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
