My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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