i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
