i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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