Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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