i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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