Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize