Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
