i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
