Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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