You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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