I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
