i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
