I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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