pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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