i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
