we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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