idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
