I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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