She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
