he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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