I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
