New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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