Your tits are I can't wait for
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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