So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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