They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
