Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
