Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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