she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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