a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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