I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
