When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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