so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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