If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
