I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
