I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
