Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize