for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
