awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
