The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
