dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
