I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
