I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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