I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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