Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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