You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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