You can't motorboat a personality
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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