We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
