I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
