happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I pour the whiskey from now on
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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